February 27, 2000 8th Sunday after Epiphany Mark 2:13-22
Sermon by Rev. Dr. John K. Luoma
In his book The Five Love Languages
Dr. Gary Chapman talks about how you can improve communication
in your marriage by learning the love language of your partner.
He contends that there are five basic languages of love and each
of us is more tuned into some of them than others. The key is
to find the ones that are characteristic to your spouse and practice
them.
The first love language is Words of Affirmation. This means using words that build up the other person. It means consciously watching and affirming the positive things that person does.
The second love language is Quality Time. It means engaging in activities where we are giving our entire attention to the other person. It means revealing something of yourself when the other person reveals something of his/herself.
The third love language is the Receiving of Gifts. In almost every society gift-giving is part of the love process. The gift doesn't have to be elaborate. It is simply a symbol that says, "my loved one was thinking of me."
The fourth love language is Acts of Service. This simply means doing things that you know your spouse would like you to do.
The fifth love language is Physical Touch. Physical touch is a powerful way of communicating marital love.
So, the key to a good healthy marriage or a good healthy relationship is to determine what are the primary love languages of our partner and to practice those languages.
Well, isn't it interesting that God views his relationship to his people as a marriage, and in Scripture he tries all these languages of love, that we have described, in order to draw closer to them? Just think for a few moments about the relationship between God and Israel as described in our reading from the prophet Hosea.
First, God speaks words of affirmation. It says that God takes her aside and speaks tenderly to her. (vs. 14)
Second, it says that God gives Israel gifts as a symbol of his love. He gives her vineyards and he promises her the Valley of Achor as symbols of his love. (vs.15)
Third, it says that God desires to spend quality time with
her. He wants to bring her into the wilderness so that they can
renew the relationship that they had at the beginning of their
courtship. (vs. 15)
Then, comes the biggest question of all: What do you do when your
partner is unwilling to work on the relationship? God, as the
bridegroom, was doing everything that was required. He knew the
love languages of his people and he was practicing them. However,
his bride was turning her back on him. The answer is that God
is going to remain faithful. And the answer is the same in our
human relationships. Even if we don't have loving feelings, we
make the decision to love. We keep on seeking to determine the
love languages of the other person and we keep on affirming our
loved one in the way he or she needs to be affirmed.
And, as we look at the Gospel reading for today, we see that is exactly what God kept doing in regard to his people Israel. He became one with us in Jesus so that he could know us as intimately as we can be known and speak whatever language we needed in order to be drawn back into relationship And we see three great examples of this in our Gospel story for today.
Matthew, the tax collector, receives words of affirmation, words that build him up. The words are so few that it is easy to miss the significance of what is happening here. Matthew is the lowest of the low. Because of his business, he is considered a thief and a traitor. But Jesus affirms his worth and calls him to be his disciple.
And to the other tax collectors and sinners he gives that same gift, but he also gives the gift of his undivided attention as he goes to Matthew's home and eats with them. Again, it is easy to pass by the significance of this gift. Through these actions Jesus is affirming those who were considered to be outcasts.
And he continues to love even those who stand against him, the scribes and the pharisees. To those who will ultimately kill him for his actions, he takes the time to explain that God's love is so great that he wants everyone to have a place at the banquet table.
What does all this mean for us as the people of God at St. Stephen?
1. It means that we are called to practice the languages of love wherever we are. In all the places we live and work and play. We try to discern what that other person needs in order to know that they are loved.
2. It means being a welcoming community and that means greeting people warmly, letting them know they are welcome, and making a place for them in the family.
3. It means assisting those who are in need and even moving out beyond the church walls and going to them directly as we have in our participation in Habitat for Humanity and as we are in the Y Bridge Ministry.
4. It means making a decision to love even those people who seem to be our enemies.
And why do we do all this? We do it because God in Christ has
done these things for us.