January 28, 2001
Sermon by Rev. Laurel Bobb
When I was little we used to watch a program
called, "The King Family," which oddly enough featured singing by various members
of the King family--aunts, uncles, cousins, and the entire clan. One of my favorite
songs they sang was called "Love at Home," and it went something like "love
at home, love at home; then there’s beauty everywhere, when there’s love at
home."
Really the best place to discover if our Christianity is real is to see how well we love at home--in the nitty-gritty of day to day life. How do we treat those whom we once went starry-eyed over contemplating a life together with them? How well do we get along with that seed which came from us for whom we have such hopes and dreams, especially as they grow older and develop minds and mouths of their own? Sure we love our families, at least in theory, but how well do we show it? It is difficult to remember to always be kind, considerate, and respectful when we’re irritated or tired or when our plans for a quiet evening are interrupted or our authority is challenged. It is rough to always ensure there is love at home and that it is apparent in our behavior.
This is a well-known human phenomenon. Even Jesus in our Gospel lesson admits that it’s easier to get along with strangers than those with whom we come into daily contact. He said, "No prophet is accepted in the prophet’s hometown." A similar account in Matthew adds "...and in his own house." It’s hard to always be on our best behavior at home; we need somewhere to be ourselves and unwind. Of course this wasn’t Jesus’s problem--he was never unkind or inconsiderate of others. In his case the town leaders simply were afraid of losing their status; the problem was with them. Like them we have a problem. We look out for our own interests and expect others to meet our needs, without our thinking about theirs.
We begin to take one another for granted and let little things that we once considered cute to start to get under our skin and make us angry and then in our anger we often lash out at those we love. It’s like the song a lyricist wrote long ago, "You always hurt the one you love--the one you shouldn’t hurt at all." We become disenchanted and hurt when we realize that our handsome prince or love goddess we thought we married was really just a figment of our imagination and in our minds the prince turns into a frog with warts and the goddess into an old hag. This disillusionment doesn’t stop with our spouses either. Our perfect children rebel against us and don’t fulfill our every wish for their lives. Our fairy tale existence comes to a shattering halt. There could be no other ending because sin mars our life on earth, and since we are sinners, our relationships will naturally be negatively affected.
Fortunately for us Christians we have the remedy. It’s not a magic potion, but it seemingly can work magic when we put it to use in our lives. It’s called the love of Christ. Through his death and resurrection he broke the spell sin has cast over us and frees and empowers us to share that love with others, including our families. Biblical love is not an abstract concept or feeling; love is something we do. It’s character is self-sacrificing and we see it’s prime example in Christ on the cross. His whole life led up to that one gesture for the sake of humanity, so that our relationships can be restored to the harmony God designed at the outset of creation.
God calls on us, the redeemed ones, to display this kind of love in our own lives as our service to him. In theory this is for our relationships with all people, but when it comes right down to it most of the time we only have the opportunity to show sacrificial love for our families and friends. This is in itself no small challenge. It is hard to love someone who knows our faults and constantly points them out. It is difficult to live with someone we expected to be one way, but he or she turned out to be quite different. It is challenging to keep showing love when we feel we are getting no response or appreciation. It’s just plain hard to love others in practical actuality--some would say it’s impossible!
We are blessed in that with our God nothing is impossible. Through Christ’s resurrection power we are given the ability to love the unlovable as well as those we say we love. St. Paul gives us a description of this kind of self-giving love. He says it is patient. I guess that means we don’t sit in the car honking the horn when we’re in a hurry to go somewhere and our partner or kids aren’t quite ready yet. It also means we don’t throw a fit because dinner can’t be put on the table at our preferred time because our partner had to work late or our kids lost track of time. Of course the late ones should also be considerate of the one who likes to be on schedule as well and make every effort to be ready at the appointed time or let the other know why this is not possible.
Love also is not envious; we don’t have to encourage our partner to work harder, nor do we have to sacrifice family time, to keep up with the Joneses. Neither are we jealous when a family member gets special recognition and we don’t.
Love is not boastful, so we don’t brag about our accomplishments to get others to fawn over us with their peons of praise. We can go about doing our best expecting no special recognition except the satisfaction of a job well-done in service to our King, because he is the one for whom and through whom we do everything including loving our families.
Love is not arrogant. We don’t see ourselves as the most important member of the family and expect the others to fall in line behind us. We take time for others and lift them up.
Love is not rude. It always amazes me at how polite we are when we are dating someone, but how that all seems to go out the window once we’re married, or how polite children are to others outside the family, but to their brothers and sisters--never! We parents would also never think of speaking to adults the way we sometimes speak to our children. We need to ask God to help us remember our manners at home.
Love doesn’t insist on its own way. That means we ask others for their opinions and take turns choosing the plans for the day or how to accomplish a certain goal. We don’t try to manipulate others to get them to do what we want either. Then love is not irritable or resentful when carrying out those plans we made together, showing our inward suffering for having made such a "sacrifice."
Love doesn’t rejoice in the wrong, but rejoices in the truth. We don’t resort to revenge to get across the point that our partner or sibling or parent hurt us; no, we respectfully and lovingly confront them with our feelings. We aren’t gleeful when something bad happens to someone who has hurt us, but we recognize that their pain belongs to us as well, since we belong to each other.
Love bears all things. When we are badly treated, we continue to show love. Sometimes this love must take the form of tough love, however, forcing someone to admit the truth about some aspect of their behavior that is self-destructive or harms another. Our goal is to help them be the persons God created them to be so they might experience God’s peace and wholeness.
Love believes all things. This for me was the most enigmatic of these statements about love Paul makes. According to Barrett it means, "never losing faith" in someone. In other words it means to believe the best about him or her. They aren’t out to get us.
Love hopes all things. This is possible because our ultimate hope is in the God who has promised to transform all creation, which makes us able to endure all things since we realize they’re only temporary. Love is the only enduring thing we have in this world. No one when they get to their death bed says, "I wish I’d spent more time alone," or "I wish I’d spent more time at work." Everyone with regrets says they wish they’d spent more time cultivating the love they have for their families and friends.
Well, folks, the good news is it’s not too late for us. We can begin to live the sacrificial love that Jesus embodied and called us to live this very day. We can go to our spouses today and ask, "How can I best show my love and serve you?" We can ask our children what we can do to show them we love them. We can ask our parents for meaningful ways to let them know we love and respect them. We can ask our siblings how we can be better brothers or sisters to them.
Then comes the hard part. Whatever they say, if it’s within our ability, we must commit ourselves to do it. Just imagine how our families could be transformed if we would really live this way. The amazingly magic thing about love is that no matter how much we give it away, it always comes back to us in a greater amount than we gave it. When we put this principle of doing love into practice, then there truly will be beauty everywhere because there will be love at home.
Copyright 2001 by Rev. Laurel Bobb