Today is Father’s Day and I’d like us to look at what Scripture says about being a father. We will look at King David’s life as well as other portions of Scripture for insights on this topic. I know I’m not a father, but I have a good one and I’m married to the father of my children and have been for almost 26 years, so fatherhood is not a concept with which I am unacquainted. There are 10 ideals of fathering I would like to talk about today. These ideals from Scripture help to make the task of fathering go more smoothly and result in godly, mature adults.The first and most important ideal about being a good father is this--to model integrity and walking with God. The greatest gift you can give your child is to teach them to love the Lord and live a lifestyle that is pleasing to God, for that is how they will grow to be truly happy. It is essential that you model this, because faith and morality are more caught than taught. Remember to pray for and with your children, and let them see you praying and studying God’s Word. Use teachable moments--those times when children bring to you a dilemma or life throws a situation at you which could be challenging--to give a lesson about God. Schedule in regular times for family devotions as well so they see this is a priority. Deuteronomy 6:6-8 say, "Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." In other words don’t let there be any mistake that you revere the Lord and you encourage your family to do so as well.
The second ideal is to choose the woman who will mother your children carefully. I’m afraid that isn’t the highest priority on young men’s minds when they begin a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. I’m sure most of you here who are already married are exceptions to this. But for those of you who haven’t yet decided on a mate, I’d like you to think about it. If you want to be successful at the job of being a father, isn’t your business partner in this regard important? II Corinthians 6:14 cautions, "Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship is there between light and darkness?" It is therefore very important to marry someone who not only loves you, but shares your love for God.
This is also important because of the next ideal which is to get married before you begin a family. Exodus 22:16 gives instructions on what is proper if this is not the case. The ideal is here so that a stable home can be established. David fell down in this regard. He did not guard his actions David and Bathsheba had no intention of creating a new life, but that was one consequence of their actions. Gentlemen, think before you act. Is this person really the one with whom you want to spend the rest of your life raising a family? If not, perhaps you’d better find something else to do rather than getting carried away by your passions. Keep yourself busy. If David had been out with his troops instead of sitting around doing nothing, he wouldn’t have been open to temptation.
The next ideal is closely related to the previous one. It is to remain true to your wife. David had no business looking around at Bathsheba; he had plenty of wives to satisfy him. Even having the wives he did rather than just one caused dissension and great sibling rivalry in his family, so David made many mistakes in this regard. The sixth commandment reminds us not to commit adultery. This is essential because marriages cannot remain stable when there is a lack of trust. The 2nd best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. It provides a sense of security that the family will remain intact and the child will not have to choose sides as is often the case in divorce situations.
The fifth task is to discipline children in love. Little ones need boundaries to make them feel secure. A parent must be firm, fair, and consistent. Discipline is not a negative thing. Scripture reminds us that God disciplines those he loves. Discipline does not only apply to punishment, although that is part of it; it is helping the child learn to set limits for him or herself. Ephesians 6:4 says, "And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Loving discipline delights in saying "yes" whenever possible to a child’s request for permission to do something. The very heart of the Gospel is God’s "yes" to humanity, so we model our Creator in saying yes to the good things in our children’s lives.
The sixth thing a good father should do is to protect his family. King David did not protect or avenge his daughter Tamar when her ½ brother Amnon violated her. He became furious, but took no action. Her full brother Absalom took matters in his own hands and David had to watch as his kingdom began to fall apart as well as his family because of Absalom’s disgust with what his brother had done and the way his father handled things. There are dire consequences both in the life of the child and in the family system for the father failing to act as protector.
The next thing a good father should do for his children is to teach them to care for one another. A family is the first place one learns about how to live in society. Children need to learn how to be caring and considerate of others. This is probably one of the most difficult lessons to teach. Adam and Eve failed at it, as did Isaac and Rebekah, and Jacob and his wives and concubines. It tears families apart when there is sibling rivalry. How one teaches this is to treat each as an individual and give to each uniquely what is his or her need, as well as helping them to appreciate what is special about their brothers and/or sisters.
The next ideal is also difficult to do. It is to learn to admit when you’re wrong and ask forgiveness. I can’t tell you how it softens a child’s heart to hear a man say "I’m sorry." It also makes it easier for them to admit when they are wrong as well. Here is one thing David did get right--at least at times. He confessed his sin to God, and God forgave him. He owed a lot of other people apologies that never came, however, and his kingdom was threatened partially because of it. James 5:6 reminds us that confession is good for the body as well as the soul, "Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed."
The ninth ideal is to love your children. Showing love means treating each one as special, communicating with them, and spending time with them. That means you leave work at the office when you are to be with them, so that you can be truly present with them. It is interesting to note: "A study was done to determine the amount of interaction between fathers and their small children. First, the fathers were asked to estimate the amount of time they spent each day with the child. The average answer was about fifteen to twenty minutes. Next, microphones were attached to the father so that each interaction could be recorded. The results of this study were shocking: The average amount of time spent by these middle-class fathers with their small children was thirty-seven seconds per day! Their direct interaction was limited to 2.7 encounters daily, lasting ten to fifteen seconds each!" That’s hardly enough time to wash your hands let alone train up a child in the way he or she should go.
The final ideal is to train your children for life and then let them go. Encourage them to become all they can be; in doing this you will be imitating God who had that same desire for his people. Help them to learn to be responsible and make good choices. You do that through all those other steps we have covered--through modeling and discipline, love, protection, and confession. It is truly ironic that when you have done your job right, your handiwork will set out on their own and leave you. Well, actually they never leave you. You are always there with them through the lessons you have taught and the love you have shown and you carry precious memories of them in your heart. This, too, is a lesson we learn from God. Jesus reminded his disciples right before his ascension that he would be with us always--to the close of the age, even though they would no longer see him. You will be present with your children in a different way--through the life-lessons you have taught them and the love you have shown them.
No matter how good of a job you do, I hate to break it to you, but you’ll never be perfect. The good news is you don’t have to be perfect. Jesus Christ died for imperfect people like you and I. He rose to give us the power to become better than we could humanly be, so draw on his power and ask forgiveness when you blow it. I know God will bless us when we learn from the only perfect Father, our heavenly Father, and lean on him for power, strength, and guidance.