If you had
to draw up a list, what would you say are the scariest things you've faced in
life? I'm sure we would all have a multitude of things on our list. As I thought
about this question, these are some of the things I'd put on my list.June 2, 2002
A sermon by Rev. Dr. John K. Luoma
If you had
to draw up a list, what would you say are the scariest things you've faced in
life? I'm sure we would all have a multitude of things on our list. As I thought
about this question, these are some of the things I'd put on my list.
I would have to list a childhood disease that afflicted me for nearly a year
when I was about six years old. It meant trips to one doctor
after another. It meant a series of painful treatments that didn't work at all.
It meant months in isolation. Because they felt that the disease was severely contagious,
I couldn't go to school or have contact with any other children.
Eventually, it meant going to a university hospital to be examined by a team of
doctors for their opinion as to the proper treatment. They advised
radiation, and I can still remember being wheeled into that room, being
covered with a protective shield and hearing the machine click on and off as
they directed the radiation to the infected portion of my body.
All that isolation and all that pain caused me to start
thinking about some very heavy questions at a very early age, questions about
God and questions about death that shouldn't be part of a child's life at such
an early age. But all the questions and all the doubt were a prelude to an
experience of God that I wouldn't have received in any other way.
Another scary time in my life was my post college years. For a variety of reasons I was pretty well burned out after my college experience. I had given everything that I was capable of giving and the world was appearing to be much more demanding and complex than I ever anticipated. I started studying theology and then I quit. After a couple of years on another path, I knew I had to begin studying theology again and I did. I needed to know more about God. I especially needed to know what God wanted of me. It was a time of questioning and doubt, but it was also a prelude to a deeper experience of God.
A third scary time was pastoring my first congregation. I really believe that nobody's first experience in ministry should be like mine. It taught me first hand why such a high percentage of people leave the ministry after their first call. My congregation was a congregation that had been seriously conflicted for years before I got there. Somehow, that was a piece of information that was never shared with me, and I wasn't yet skilled enough to pick up on. It meant several years of intense conflict, conflict that was only finally resolved when a number of families left the congregation. That was extremely painful. You go into ministry because you want to serve and you want to build people up. In your first parish you desperately want to be successful. Instead, it felt like the church was crumbling around me and that chaos was going to reign. It was a time of questioning and doubt, but it was also a prelude to a deeper experience of God. I learned that ministry isn't about being successful. It is about being faithful.
The reason I'm asking you to think about this, and the reason that I'm sharing this is because I think that the Gospel for today speaks to the role of doubt in the Christian life. It addresses the issue of uncertainty that we all face in life. The scene is a mountain in Galilee. Using the two Marys as his messengers, Jesus directed the disciples to go there. True to his promise Jesus appears to them there and his appearance is followed by these words: "And when they saw him they worshipped him; but some doubted." Doesn't that just blow your mind. The disciples are standing in the presence of the risen Christ and yet some of them still have doubts about him?
How do you explain that? Well, some people try to explain it away. They see faith and doubt as polar opposites. If you have doubt, you don't have faith. If you have faith, you have no doubt. So, what do they do with this passage? They say: the Apostle Paul states that Jesus appeared to the disciples and then to five hundred other people at one time. (1 Cor. 15:3-8) Even though Matthew doesn't mention it, those five hundred were present. The disciples had no doubts. It was some of those five hundred who are described as having doubts. A true believer would have no doubts.
Personally, I think that argument is pretty lame. There is no indication in Matthew that anyone else is present at that event. It is quite clear that even though all the disciples worshipped him, there was doubt on the part of some of them. More than this, I don't think faith and doubt are polar opposites. More than fifty years ago a man named Paul Tillich did a lot of thinking and writing about this issue of faith and doubt. He asserts that there is an element of doubt in all faith. What is the role of doubt in faith?
First, to say that I have doubt is to say that I am a human being. I'm finite. I'm limited. I'm not God. Uncertainty is just part of the human condition.
Second, because I'm finite and limited I ask questions so that I can grow in understanding. I don't just accept everything that is said to me. We do our best to test whether something is true or not true. It seems to me that some of the scariest people in the world these days are people who don't ask questions. People like those who strap bombs onto their bodies in order to blow up other people. Or people like the young man who drove across the country putting pipe bombs into mailboxes.
Doubt plays a critical role in faith. Doubt reminds us that we are not God. Doubt says we need to keep asking questions if we are going to grow in our knowledge of God and have an even more secure basis for our faith.
What is faith then? Faith is continuing to trust in God in spite of my doubts. Faith is continuing to endure in my trust of God even in the face of all the uncertainty in life. And our Gospel story today tells us that our faith is well placed because of how Jesus responds to the doubtful disciples. He doesn't scold them. He doesn't say: "I see you have some doubts. You can no longer be one of my disciples." He says to all eleven: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." In other words, he embraces us even in our doubts and promises to stick with us-- "Lo, I am with you always."
I like what Frederick Buechner says about the relationship between faith and doubt. He, too, agrees that doubt is an element of faith. Doubt makes us ask questions, and as we ask questions about our meaning and purpose , God provides the answers and direction. Buechner says, "Doubt is the ants in the pants of faith." I like that way of putting it. Doubt creates movement because doubt makes us ask questions; and when we get answers to questions, it means we must change. We must move. We must grow in our capacity to serve God.
So, if you have some doubts today, know this: God still embraces you and wants you as part of his mission and God will not let go of you. Ask your questions and wait on him, he will give you the answers you seek.
copyright 2001 by Rev. Dr. John K. Luoma