Conflict Among Christians

Sermon by Rev. Laurel Bobb

I wonder why this section of Matthew is in Scripture. We in the church don’t have to worry about sinning against one another do we? Well, just in case it might happen, I’d like us to look at how we are to respond. For the sake of argument Let’s assume all the people I’m going to be talking about today are churchgoing Christians.

Gene and Tracey can’t seem to get their marital act together. Tracey keeps treating Gene in a way that is disrespectful, but Gene doesn’t want to make waves in the marriage.

George works for Sam and has for years; in fact he kind of looks at Sam as a father figure, but he found some unfair business practices going on which caused another employee to be promoted over him. He doesn’t want to sound like a whiner, but he also could really have used that promotion.

J. P. didn’t like something the pastor said in the sermon. J.P. then started talking to other parishioners about the various things the pastor did that J.P. didn’t agree with ending with requesting them to sign a petition to have the pastor removed from the church. The pastor learned about this and was really hurt.

Sally found out that April was gossiping about her by revealing a confidence she had shared. Sally considered April her best friend, but she was deeply hurt and now wonders if she can ever trust April again. She also can’t help thinking about how many people know her secret.

Yes, even in the church there is conflict because the church is made of people and people are sinners. What should these people do? Our Gospel lesson is pretty clear; they need to confront the parties that have wronged them to restore the relationships. This is difficult. What we often forget when we find ourselves in situations like this is that the relationship is already marred. Something must be done to bring about reconciliation.

That is the basis for our Christian faith. Sin breaks a relationship. Our sin breaks our relationships not only with others, but with God. That is why Jesus had to come to pay the penalty to repair that relationship. It cost him his life.

Repairing our personal relationships that are broken because of sin is costly too. At the very least it makes us uncomfortable. God readily forgives, but what about our brothers and sisters? How will they react when we confront them? Only God knows.

That makes going to God in prayer the first step in any attempt to restore a broken relationship. We must ask God to reveal to us any wrongful motives on our part that would cause us to want to use this experience to hurt the other person as we have been hurt, and for God to give us the means to lovingly confront the other.

Second we must go to that person alone. That means we don’t aggravate the problem by talking to others first. Alone in a private place lovingly tell the offender what he or she has done and how it has affected you. They may not have realized they have done anything hurtful. Do not go in simply pointing the finger at another, but explain how the other person’s behavior has affected you. Then tell how you feel about preserving the relationship and what change you would need to see for that to happen. Assure them of your care for them. If they persist in ignoring the problem, tell them that you will be praying for them because you care not only about your relationship with them, but their relationship with God as well.

If they admit the wrong and ask forgiveness, give it. If they don’t, then it is time to get others involved. Gene might seek a pastor or counselor to help with the marriage. George might bring in the union rep or a person familiar with business law. Sally might ask one of those to whom April has told her secret to go with her to see April. The pastor might take the council president along to confront J.P.’s sinful behavior.

Now together with one or two other persons go and talk to the person who has wronged you. This too must be done in a spirit of love on the part of both of you. Perhaps the offenders will listen if they realize it’s not just you who thinks they have wronged you. If they repent, forgive them.

Next comes the tough part--what happens if they still don’t admit they've done anything wrong? Then take it to the church. This is something that rarely happens these days, except in some of the more fundamentalist groups and the cults. Yet it is Scriptural. Instead of always having things end up in secular courts where there may be no Christian concern for preserving relationships, perhaps we should bring things before the church. At least that way there will be the possibility of forgiveness and restoration and not just being forced to do the right thing be

cause it’s the law, or doing something you never intended to have happen, like divorce, because that seemed to be the only solution in that case.

Being forced to do the right thing doesn’t do much for the relationship. There’s the old adage, "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." So we do not want to force others to repent because the repentance will be only to get you off their backs. It will also not help to restore the relationship which is one of our goals. Our other goal is to help restore their relationship with God. Unrepentant sin in our lives blocks our relationship with God and keeps us from experiencing life the way God intended us to live in harmony with others and with peace and joy. Sometimes when people realize they are hurting their own souls, they turn to God and confess their sin. Conflict can also cause physical illness, which might make people seek to change their situations.

These are some examples of testimonials about resolving conflict that I got off the Internet. Rae wrote, "Various psychosomatic illnesses and physical pain had plagued me all my life due to unconscious repressed rage. Dr. Puff's book on anger helped me to admit my anger and find ways of expressing it without hurting myself or others. Now my illnesses and pain are healing. Melinda wrote, "...being passive aggressive or making rude comments ultimately hurts ME more than anyone else,...." Because we care about others we want them to be whole, so we can’t let them engage in behavior that can be detrimental to their health.

We also care about our responsibility to speak God’s word. The Lord told Ezekiel, "If I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked ones, you shall surely die,’ and you do not speak to warn the wicked to turn from their ways, the wicked shall die in their iniquity, but their blood I will require at your hand." This is serious stuff. We don’t want to be caught not doing something God wants us to do.

If they don’t repent, it’s on their shoulders as God told Ezekiel, "But if you warn the wicked to turn from their ways, and they do not turn from their ways, the wicked shall die in their iniquity, but you will have saved your life." Matthew tells us then we are permitted to treat them as tax collectors and sinners, and how is that? We continue to pray for them, show them love, and oh yeah, forgive them.

Now I want to talk about the opposite side of the coin. What should you do if you are the one who has wronged someone else? It’s easy to ignore it and hope they will too, but often these things fester. While we might think others should be forgiving of us, and they should, but forgiveness also is a call to repentance. That means we are to change our behavior. We are to stop doing those things that hurt others. And what if the person that’s been hurt takes this Gospel text seriously and does confront? We should listen to their feelings, offer expressions of concern for the relationship, clear up any misunderstandings between you, and ask forgiveness. It is more important to restore the relationship than be right; however when someone else always has to be right that needs to be dealt with as well. The meeting should end with mutual love and forgiveness and a commitment to do those things that would help the relationship and not hinder it. This will also put your relationship with God back where you should be.

St. Paul reminds us that we are to live honorably, not in quarreling and jealousy, so we can’t let our loving confrontations disintegrate into quarreling, and we should never be motivated to confront someone out of jealousy for what they have, but we should treat each person as they deserve to be treated. We owe them love. We owe them that because God loved us first and calls us to be like him.

So you see, although it is highly possible to have conflict within the Christian community, the congregation, or even our own families, God has provided a way to deal with it to preserve our relationships with each other. As we work on our relationships with our fellow Christians, we also are showing our commitment to our God and keeping ourselves from tripping over the big stumbling block of unconfessed sin. When we are reconciled, we can be free to worship and pray together, and God will be pleased, for Christ has promised, "Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them."