January 13, 2003
A sermon by Rev. Dr. John K. Luoma
George I wish I had a word for you and your family that would automatically make things better. I wish I had one word that could provide the peace and healing that you need. I don’t. But I do have some words that will help. I want to put these words in the form of some questions. These are hard questions, but they need to be asked and they need to be answered.
1. THE FIRST QUESTION IS THIS: Why did your son take his life? Let me share the answer of a man who has spent his life helping people in situations like yours. His name is John Hewett. Here is what he has to say: “When we face suicide we confront a mystery. No one knows what goes on in the mind and heart of a person before suicide. Suicide is an act of solitude. We cannot always form a judgment, and we should not, about why a person chooses this manner of death.”
What is he saying? He is saying that this is not a time for judgment. We do not know why George did what he did. It is a mystery.
2. ANOTHER IMPORTANT QUESTION IS THIS: What do we do with the guilt we feel about this? John Hewett gives this answer: “Suicide is an act completed in solitude, and one person is responsible for it - the deceased. No person can single-handedly prevent a suicide unless that person can live without sleep and spend twenty-four hours a day restraining the potential suicide.”
George, I have only known you for five days, but I have learned one thing about you as I have sat with you and your neighbors and observed your grieving. You were a good father. You loved your son dearly. You would have done anything for him. You would have died for him if you could have. You did not cause his death. It is not your fault.
Nevertheless, we all feel guilty about past crises and disruptions in our relationships. How do we deal with these? We deal with them as Christians have always dealt with them: We confess and we seek forgiveness. We talk to God honestly and openly about what is afflicting us, and we trust in the promise God has given us: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.” If that is not sufficient, we need to find a pastor or priest or a trusted Christian friend and talk about these things. We need to hear the words from their lips: “You are forgiven.”
3. Certainly another question is this: WHERE WAS GOD IN ALL THIS? One thing we can say for certain is: God didn’t take George’s life. This isn’t God’s will. God’s desire is that we have life and have it abundantly. George’s death was a human act, done for human reasons, reasons we can’t fully understand.
So, where was God in all this? We need only look at the cross to answer that question. The cross tells us that God is not distant from us. The cross tells us God cares and enters into our suffering in order to help us. That’s the whole message of the gospel: God is at work in Christ to set everything into proper order. God is loving and forgiving and actively at work on our behalf. God seeks our healing and God wants to give us the gift of eternal life.
4. Another critical question is this: WHAT CAN WE DO THAT WILL HEAL US? How can we get through this and beyond this?
First, if God isn’t part of our lives, we need to let God into our lives. We need to begin a conversation with God. If we feel overcome by our weakness, we need to offer up that weakness to God and remember the Bible’s promise: “The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words.” (Romans 8:26) On some days our prayers might even take the form of shouting and screaming at God. We need not be afraid of that. God wants this conversation with us so that he can help us. God can take it.
Second, we need to allow the church to care for us. When fellow believers come to us, we need to let them into our lives. It is God who provides such support. That’s what we mean when we confess in the Apostles’ Creed, as we will today, “I believe in the Communion of Saints.” Sometimes our own faith is not strong enough to carry us. We need to lean on the faith of our brothers and sisters in Christ. Allowing the church to care for us means sometimes seeking out a trusted Christian friend, or a pastor, or a Christian counselor to help us deal with the questions that afflict us.
Third, we need to worship. It is true that God is present everywhere, but he promises to be present in a special way and provide special gifts as we worship together.
There are a lot of young people here today, and so I want to say something to them and to their adult leaders and parents. Thank you for coming to support George and his family and pay tribute to his son. This is the kind of thing we need to do for each other. Second, and I want the young people to hear this very clearly and plant it firmly in your memories. If you hear nothing else today, please here this: WHEN YOU HAVE PROBLEMS, WHEN YOU FEEL AFFLICTED, WHEN YOU THINK THAT DEATH LOOKS BETTER THAN LIFE, FIND SOMEONE TO TALK WITH. GO TO A COUNSELOR. GO TO YOUR PASTOR. GO TO A YOUTH LEADER. GO TO YOUR PARENTS. PERSIST UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL REALLY LISTEN TO YOU. And parents and adults and everyone involved with youth, listen to them when they come to you. Sometimes we adults discount the suffering of young people. We say they are small problems and they will get past them. That is usually true. But sometimes it is not. What seems small to us seems huge and insurmountable to them. We need to listen and do what we can to help. Sometimes we may need to seek other help for them.
There is one phrase I have heard that is very important here: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” What does this mean? It means that our problems can be overcome if we will share them with others and seek the help that God wants to give to us.
Let’s close by praying and claiming the promises of God we hear today:
“Lord Jesus, this is such a difficult situation and we feel such distress. Help us to trust the promise that you give to George and to all of us: that your Father’s home is huge and that there is room for everyone and that you have gone ahead to prepare a place for each of us. Be with us in our weakness and help us to claim your promise that as we turn to you the Spirit intercedes for us in order to provide us with the healing that we seek. Thank you for the gift of George. We know that he is safe in your hands. Amen.”
copyright 2001 by Rev. Dr. John K. Luoma