My name is Nancy Pierce and it's a privilege to share my story of faith. I am 36 years old, happily married to my soul mate, Larry, and we are the proud parents of two dogs, one cat, and one human child.

I am the youngest of 6 children, and grew up in a very conservative and strict Catholic family in southwestern Ohio. I was baptized at 2 months and went to church every Sunday and Holy Day, and received all the other sacraments. Religion in our household was not a thing of joy or family togetherness. My parents taught us to literally fear God, not to love or trust him.

In college I stopped going to church entirely. Halfway through my junior year I began dating a very devout Lutheran. As a matter of fact, he was a Lutheran seminary graduate waiting for his first call and ordination. I became active at his church and discovered that God was to be feared, yes, but also loved and trusted. And I learned how wonderful church fellowship can be.

We were married just after I finished college. A year and a half later, he got his first call to two small churches in Pittsburgh. At 23, I was a pastor's wife without a clue about what one did. I often joked that I didn't have a role model because our priest always kept his wife hidden. I felt out of place and hated being a pastor's wife. Church quickly became an obligation, not a joy, and I felt no sense of fellowship, only duty.

When I was 24, my husband and I decided to start a family. A year later, I wasn't pregnant and I lost my job. I felt completely useless, inferior, isolated, depressed, and angry. I kept asking God why he was punishing me. Over the next 3 ?? years I consulted two different doctors, endured two surgeries, lots of tests, drugs, procedures, and constant disappointment. My husband insisted that we not tell anyone at his churches about our infertility, so instead of being able to turn to the church for comfort and support, I had to endure insensitive, hurtful comments about it being high time we had a baby.

I was finally able to land a good job and I started graduate school. Eventually dealing with the pressure and pain at church became too much for me and I quit going altogether. Another round of medical tests revealed that we would never have a child and it was the final blow to our marriage. We were both good people, but we made a lousy couple, and therefore, we divorced.

Shortly after that I was promoted by my company and moved here to Stow. Six months later Larry, who had always been a good and special friend, and I started dating. He, too, was recently divorced. Two years later we were married.

While we were dating, we joined a church and tried to become actively involved. However, the pastor and the congregation just couldn't seem to handle an adult unmarried couple, especially one that involved two divorces. Larry and I felt very unworthy at this church, but stayed members.

We hoped to become pregnant as quickly as possible after our marriage, but it wasn't to be. Over the next 3 years, we consulted a total of 4 doctors, and I again endured many tests, another surgery, lots of drugs, procedures, and heartbreak. Two of the doctors told us to forget it-- that we would never be able to conceive.

Our church, meanwhile, had abandoned us. Just as they had had trouble accepting us as an unmarried couple, they now seemed unable to accept us as a childless married couple. We had made it clear that we were a family in crisis, struggling with infertility, job losses, and other enormous family problems. We received no support whatsoever and felt alienated and alone. I was bitter and angry at God.

We finally had only one medical option left, and that was to pursue in vitro fertilization, or IVF. I'll spare you the gory details, but IVF is a very long, difficult, and expensive process. It takes about 6 weeks from start to finish, including two very long weeks off your feet waiting to find out if it worked.

To help prepare myself, I read a book that helps women deal with the psychological aspects that may be causing infertility. Believe me, infertility is not just a case of needing to relax and please, don't ever, ever tell an infertile woman to "just relax." It may be well meant, but it's insulting.

As part of this book, I did a lot of meditating and journal work. The most important exercise was finding a spiritual guide. I closed my eyes and let my guide come to me, and it was Jesus. He came and sat with me and insisted I look him straight in the eye, which would tell him that I truly believed he was with me.

I had a million questions for him: "Will I ever be a mother? Why am I infertile?" and on and on. He smiled and told me he could answer everything, but that I wasn't ready for the answers. Plus, if he gave me all the answers now I would stop seeking him. But he did tell me, "Yes, you will be a mother." Jesus said that God had chosen my struggles for me lovingly and I was to treat them as a gift, not a burden. I was to walk forward with complete faith and trust because he would be with me every step of the way.

When I got scared during the IVF process, I'd turn to Jesus for support. Every question was answered exactly the same way, "Keep walking forward with complete faith and trust." Finally the day came for my blood test. I was pregnant! Larry and I were overjoyed. The numbers were very high and indicated twins. Later that week, though, I learned that I had miscarried. I was completely devastated. I screamed at Jesus. "How could you lead me into this? I trusted you and look what you've done to me!"

He lovingly but firmly answered, "Faith is easy when things are going well. How strong is your faith, Nancy? Are you able to still believe in me now?"

Over the next two months Larry and I grieved deeply, and slowly found the courage to give IVF one last try. I walked forward with complete faith and trust and was willing to accept any outcome. Guess what?-- it worked and I was finally, truly pregnant. Three weeks later we found out that we were having twins. We were so excited.

However, one of our babies died after the first trimester. We were very sad to lose her but accepted that she was now our son's guardian angel. Our son, Carter, was born perfect and healthy in August 1998. Larry and I are extremely thankful to God for him.

We started coming to St. Stephen's just before Carter was born and were overwhelmed by the love and support this congregation offered to us right from the start. We were thrilled to become members and to have Carter baptized here. We feel were led by God to your doorstep. I have realized that much of our view of God and religion is shaped by the attitude of your pastor and congregation. My relationship with God is now based on trust and love, and my faith is a source of joy, strength and comfort. At long last I have the church family I've always wanted.

My happy story doesn't end with Carter's birth. When he was four months old, I didn't feel quite right, so Larry and I took a home pregnancy test. Much to our surprise and delight, I was pregnant again -- with no medical help whatsoever!!

I received a lot of glib comments such as, "See, now that your body knows what to do" or "All you had to do was relax." This pregnancy defied all the odds and any medical explanation. The only explanation that made any sense to me is that God gave this child to us, just as he gave us Carter.

Our second son, Brady, was born in July 1999, four weeks prematurely. His lungs were still too young and he had to stay in the hospital for 11 long days. I didn't even get to hold him until he was 5 days old. I could not have survived this agonizing ordeal with Pastor John and the prayer support of St. Stephen's. Brady is a perfectly healthy, normal little boy, and we are, again, very grateful to God.

Very often I turn to Jesus and ask for his help. He's always right there and his answer is always the same, "Walk forward with complete faith and trust." I have learned that his way will always be right, even if it wasn't what I would've chosen. I urge all of you to seek him and to walk forward every day with complete faith and trust.